Last fall, when my son was three years and a few months old, I left my house one morning to meet my neighbor for a walk. This was our weekly ritual at the time. She is from Southern India, and is a seasoned mommy of two children, one in graduate school and one in high school. She is a woman...
Parenting
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The story of a mother’s love is that it’s limitless implicit The first love we know and the last love we cry out for But I know mothers and the love I see is deep in the bones wavers between firm and yielding can be fractured is holy and imperfect
A Gentle Reminder to Myself
I’m up late, again. Worrying, thinking, and prepping for what’s ahead. Thinking about all the little things I should and could do. Making to-do lists, packing healthy lunches, sanitising, laundry, dishes, looking at baby pictures. Worrying about my child’s development, are they on track? Or are they falling behind? What lasting effects has the pandemic left on my child? Social...
The Unseen Work
The Unseen Work Decide how to feed What to feed When to feed Keep inventory of Diapers Wipes Clothing Formula Medicine Food Troubleshoot Nipple size Diaper size Bottle type Laundry soap Toys Keep the right size clothes and diapers in diaper bags Schedule and take child(ren) to doctors Be able to answer any and all of their questions (what color...
A Family Milestone
Our son William was 20 months old when playdates, birthday parties, and Mommy and Me classes ground to a halt due to the pandemic. I'm not sure William qualifies as a true "covid kid" because he wasn't born during the pandemic, but to be sure, his childhood and our parenting has been shaped by it. Despite the pandemic, he's very interested...
The Second Child I Will Never Have
As I lay in bed alone late one night, my 5 year old daughter sleeping soundly in her own room (she'll be sleep walking in here soon), I begin to imagine what my postpartum time would have been like in the house we live in now. My daughter was born in Los Angeles, and we welcome her home to a...
Where Does the Rage Go?
Where do the screams go?The ones that well up like a wave but can’t crash to shoreThe ones that rise up in your throat begging to be released but get swallowed instead Where does the heat go?The burning of “I can’t” and “how am I supposed to” and “no”The fire that rises and threatens it all with its no going...
Old Enough to be a Mother
Taking a little friend out to a café The barista asks if she is mine. I explain that I care for her and the barista responds, "You don't look old enough to be a mother anyway" And wishes us well And my mind wanders If things had been different If laws had been different If religion were not such a...
Boxes
No one warned me about the boxes. I wasn’t going to have kids. I was never interested. How could I be, watching myself and my brothers sap the life force from my mother, who worked full-time and homeschooled me and was always aggravated by something we’d done (or not done)? It looked like a thankless, miserable job. Nah, I’m good....
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I didn’t walk blindly into the befogged chasm In fact I hurtled myself down at breakneck speed knowing it would hurt knowing it would steal me of my youth And yet not knowing what love I would find there