Recently my four year old son has begun expressing his negative emotions in ways that are different from his younger, toddler self. The tantrums and tears are fewer these days, and in their place are verbal expressions of his frustrations (“I can’t do it!” and “I’ll never do it!”), threatening to throw and kick things, and the occasional follow through...
Toddlerhood and Young Children
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It's Not Your Fault, Mama
It’s not your fault, Mama.It’s not your fault she doesn’t want to eat chicken tonight. Even though you’re not sure if youmanaged to buy the same kind this week.You’re not doing anything wrong- some babies take a long time to walk. Just because there arethings they suggest to get them walking doesn’t mean it’s your fault that those things aren’tworking.You...
I Miss My Baby
I love my vibrant, impulsive, brave, incredibly intelligent and fiercely independent little human. But tonight…tonight, I miss my baby. I miss the little squeals and growls and silly sounds. I miss watching her scurry around the living room on hand and knee. I miss trying to figure out what she wants from the toy box as she stands there propped...
How Many More?
How many more nights will I get to nurse you to sleep? To hold you across my lap with your head resting heavy on my arm? How many more times will I get to feel your entire body relax into mine as you drift to sleep? To feel your gentle suckling every so often as you sink deeper into rest? ...
One Year Old
(*Written March 1, 2020, two days before my son turned one year old.) I’m struggling so much around Jonah turning one. I feel intense dread in my body and sick to my stomach. I can barely eat. I cry just writing or thinking about it. It feels like I need to cry and scream and rage outwardly, but there isn’t the...
Left Behind
I feel left behind. Many emails that I’m receiving and pictures I’m seeing on social media depict a “post Covid” world. A world in which folks are no longer wearing masks, or keeping their distance from each other. I see people taking long postponed vacations, rescheduling weddings and having big parties. Getting on planes, going about their lives as if...
Limitless
“So the stars really go on forever?” “That’s what appears to be true, at least that’s all we know at this point. The universe just keeps growing.” “And numbers also go forever. I used to think I could only count up to 100. But now I know I could count forever.” “Yes, baby, that’s also true.” “Well that’s how I...
All of It
Enlightening because I was able to accomplish so much while she played contentedly ALONE for like almost 2 hours. Like seriously. I made mini muffins - she was fine; I cleaned the kitchen - she was fine. I did a load of laundry - fine. I decided to just clean sinks, fine, so I cleaned bathroom and shower, fine, toilet...
A Mother's Reflections on her Daughter's First Birthday
Skylar Let me paint a picture for you of my daughter. To see Skylar is to see the biggest, glittery eyes you have ever seen. They are love marbles. They light up constantly, especially when my son is around. And during breakfast. She has light brown hair that is starting to curl around her ears and at the nape of...