19.5 months.
We worked so hard to get here.
Plugged ducts.
Low supply.
Lip tie.
Tongue tie.
Misdiagnoses.
Surgeries performed multiple times due to regrowth and incorrect revisions done the first time.
Craniosacral therapy.
Chiropractic care.
Speech therapy.
Nursing strikes.
Social pressure to stop nursing.
Countless hours spent in research reading evidence based literature on breastfeeding, latch, and ties.
Time spent advocating for myself.
I fed you cross country as we moved from Arizona to North Carolina.
I’ve climbed in the back seat maneuvering my body in ways I didn’t know were possible to feed you.
I’ve consumed my placenta, drank the teas, ingested naturopathic milk boosting remedies, and made the cookies.
I figured out how to arrange my patient schedule in three hour increments when I returned to work from maternity leave in order to pause and provide you with breastmilk.
I pumped on the road and in hotels when I traveled for work and had to be away from you for days at a time.
When the pandemic began, as I left in the morning to go on shift to triage and screen patients for Covid-19, it meant we wouldn’t nurse. I noticed our morning ritual was affected and you did not nurse as easily when I would return home or have a morning off.
I took care to notice the way your body spilled over mine as you nursed and how you would lock eyes with mine and grab ahold of my finger while you fed. I noticed how your hands have grown and how your body is bigger; all evidence of the work we have done together.
Where did the time go? Looking into your eyes as I nourish you is a feeling I will be forever grateful for.
We didn’t make it as far as I wanted to nurse you but I always said you would lead and direct when we were finished. I think that time has now come. (Really hard to write that last sentence.)
A few things I have learned:
Breastmilk doesn’t stop providing nutrition past a certain age.
It doesn’t stop containing antibodies.
It doesn’t stop containing stem cells.
Nursing has been one of my greatest challenges and greatest joys.
But the thing I have learned which will stay with me forever is that breastfeeding is a deeply personal journey. And this here was ours.
*images by Michelle Lyerly – @MichelleLyerly on Instagram
